New HR Policy

New HR Policy !

Dear Staff!!!

Please be advised that there are NEW rules andregulations implementedto raise the efficiency of our firm.

Transportation:

It is advised that you come to work driving a caraccording to your salary.

*If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you aredoing well financially and therefore you do not need araise.

*If you drive a 10 year old car or publictransportation, we assume you must have lots ofsavings therefore you do not need a raise.

*If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you needto be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Annual Leave:

Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days ayear (Wooow!).
They are called Sunday.

Lunch Break

*Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they needto eat more so that they can look healthy.

*Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get abalanced meal to maintain their average figure.
*Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that'sall the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take dietpill.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert asproof of sickness. If you are able to go to thedoctor, you are able to come to work.

Surgery

As long as you are an employee here, you need all yourorgans. You should not consider removing anything. Wehired you intact. To have something removedconstitutes a breach of employment.

Internet Usage

All personal internet usage will be recorded andcharges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) andif we decide not to give you any, charges will bededucted from your salary. (note: Rs.20 per minute aswe have 4MB connection).

Just for the record. 73% of the staff will not beentitled to any salary for the next 3 months as theirinternet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are hereto provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation,consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. Regards,