Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Attitude ... !

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, " If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, 'Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut way all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, " If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man.'

"I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. ' Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breathe and yelled, ' Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them. 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.

" Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

******

You have 2 choices now:

1. Crib about your daily life and what are you doing and be unhappy . . .

2. Enjoy every moment of your life & give in your Best . . . Keep Smiling Always...

******

Daddy Internet laga dein


Dil ka connection miladein,

Daddy Internet laga dein ,
Mujhe aaya mail dostoun ka,
Kab lagay Ga itna Bata dein

Homework pura hota nahi,
Raat ko mein sota nahi,
Jab mood ho parhai ka,
Homework koi hota nahi.

Net bhi hai kamaal cheez,
Bas aati ho agar chalani keys,
Waisay to bohot hai kaam is Kay,
Par chatting pe lagti nahi fees.

Aap kehte hain mein shor machaon Ga,
Try karo mein naraz na kar paon Ga,
Mein god promise karta Hun,
Net aap ke saunay ke baad lagaun Ga.

Saheli nahi meri,haan dost hi hotay hain,
Who saray ke saray school mein hi sotay hain,
Raat to guzarti hai net par typing kartay,
Subha bhi chat room mein hi hotay hain.

Ladkian bhi kamaal hoti hain,
Ghar pe apni misaal hoti hain ,
Saara kaam khatam karkay,
Das bajay saday naal hoti hain.

Ab to mujhe Internet lagadein,
Meri bhi mauj karadein ,
Mein bhi dhondta Hun cyber bahoo,
Aap bas nikah dot com karadein


********

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Elderly woes
Elderly woes ... [ SENIORS GIVING BIRTH ]

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby.When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked." Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and anotherRelative asked, "May we see the new baby now?""No, not yet," said the mother.After another few minutes had elapsed, they Asked again, "May we see the baby now?""No, not yet," replied the mother.Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"" WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them."WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he cries?" "BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?????"*********

Friday, July 20, 2007

Funny (How Girlz rate Guyz?)

How Girlz rate Guyz?


Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.
It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a ready reckoner for you:

********

% just a friend %

Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??

" Rahul: "Where are you going Shilpa??

"Shilpa: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph! ).

********

% Good Friend %

You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.

Rahul calls: "Hi Shilpa",

Shilpa: "Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye"

(Shilpa calls back after two days)

Shilpa: "What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?

".Rahul: "Generally".

Shilpa: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye.

"Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.

********

% Very good friend %

Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.

She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.

Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.

Shilpa: "You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore, And yesterday I saw him with another girl"

. Rahul: "Who is Shekhar??

"Shilpa : "My boyfriend.

"Rahul: Oh! Ok. :-(

********

% Best Friend %

You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can't live without you.

And don't be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.

Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.

Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.

Shilpa: "But I thought we were just friends.

We should remain friends Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that.

"Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).

********

% Best of the Bestest Friends %

Ok now you are really special.

You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything.

Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.

You take her around.

You make her project.

You do her assignments.

You are allowed to take her doggie around.

You can hold hands on the beach.

You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).

But but but... Don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.

Shilpa: "Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend".

Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul's wrist).

Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.

********

% Boyfriend %

Uh... No comments dude. You're already Gone!

********

Now ~ where you stand?

********

Funny (@ Innocent assumption)













Thursday, July 19, 2007

Joke Box (old Jokes)

Teacher : A for ?
Sardar : Apple
Teacher : zor se bolo...!
Sardar : JAY MATA DI...!!!


aati thi.... jaati thi...
hansti thi.... hansati thi...
bhagti thi.... bhagati thi...
bolti thi.... bulwati thi...
aaj pata chala saali ullu banati thi....


Sardar joins army, given AK 47.
Hes puzzld.
Asks major, Sir, yeh bandook ki nalli samne rakhun ya ulta?
Major: kisi bhi taraf rakho, faida desh ka hi hoga


Teacher: AUTOMATICALLY matlab?
Student: jab auto me baith kar koi ladki ganji ho jaye to usko kehte hain,
AUTO-MEIN-TAKLI !


ANOTHER DEFINITION OF BHAIYA
B- BADA
H- HANDSOM
A- AUR
I- INTELLIGENT


Aap kya jano hum kitna aap ko yad karte hai
Mano ya na mano, har pal faryad karte hai,
Roz khat likhte hai CARTOON NTWK ko,
Aur bas aaphiko dekhane ki mang kiya karte hai.

college ki chardiwari mein ajjeb se khel hote hain,
khel hi khel me dilon ke mail hote hai.
ise liye to mere jaise aashiq har sal fail hote hai


Maine tujhe dekha.......
dekhta gaya.....
dekhta hei gaya......
fir mujhe............"CHASHMA" LAG GAYA

Woh bhi kya din the jab log humain diwano ki
tarah kiss kiya karte the ....
par haaye hamari phooti kismat us waqt

hum 2 saal ke hua karte the ....

dokha mila jab pyar main,
zindgi mein udasi chha gayi
socha tha choor denga es rah ko
kambakht mohale mein dusri aa gay


DOSTI KARO COLLEGE WALI SE,
PYAR KARO OFFICE WALI SE,
PROGRAMME KARO PADOS WALI SE,
ANKH LADAO SALI SE,
LOVE KARO DIL WALI SE,
AUR MAR KHAO GHARWALI SE


1-smoking
2-drinking
3-charas
4-ganja
5-chicken
6-mutton
7-masala
8-oily food
9-sleep
10-pollution
HEART ATTACK HA! HA! HA!
"Dus bahana karke le gaya dil"

kabhi kehte the dost hamare ke
"jaan bhi maango to hazir hai",
Aaj apni bivi ko jaan kehte hai , aur maango to inkaar karte hai...........

Doctors ! (jOke)

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.



At the first house a woman complained, " I've been a little sick to my stomach."



The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"



As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."



"Hmmm,!" the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."



Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did.



"I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

"You've probably been doing too much extra work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."



As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?

"Well, just like you did at the last house , I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.

********

Joke Box (Elderly woes )

Elderly woes

Elderly woes ... [ SENIORS GIVING BIRTH ]

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

"May we see the new baby?" one asked.

" Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another

Relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they Asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

" WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he cries?"

"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?????"

*********

JOke Box (Chinese Detective)

Chinese Detective


A man suspected his wife of seeing another man.

So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop.

A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir :

You leave house.

He come house.

I watch.

He and she leave house.

I follow.

He and she get on train.

I follow.

He and she go in hotel.

I climb tree-look in window.

He kiss she.

She kiss he.

He strip she.

She strip he.

He play with she.

She play with he.

I play with me.

Fall out of tree, not see.

NO FEE!


*******

JOke Box (Some Rules)

Some rules cannot be followed
A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office
." What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.
"John ," the new guy replied.
She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.
I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?
"The new guy sighed, "Darling..... ....... My name is John Darling."
" Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "
************

Joke Box (* I'm the Boss*)

*The boss* was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn'tgetting any respect.

The next day, he brought a small sign

thatRead:

"*I'm the Boss*!"

He then taped it to his office door.Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had tapeda note to the sign that said:

"* Your wife called, she wants her sign back*!"

*********

Joke Box (* Re - marry ?*)

*A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the

Wife looks over at him and asks the question....

*

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!

"WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?

"HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "*Okay, okay, I'd get married again.

*

"WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "*No, she's left-handed.

*

"WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "*sh*t*."*******

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Poetry (Ai mere humnashin...)

Ai mere humnashin chal kahin aur chal,
Is chaman mein AB apna guzaara nahin,

Baat hoti phoolon tak to seh lete hum,
Ab to kaanton pe bhi haq hamara nahin.

******

Poetry Corner (Kuch nahi milta..... )

Kuch nahi milta

Kisi ki aankh sey sapney chura kar kuch nahi milta
Mandiron sey chiragon ko bujha kar kuch nahi milta

Koi aik aadh sapna ho to phir accha bhi lagta hay
Hazaron khuwab ankhon main saja kar kuch nahi milta

Yeh accha hay Kay aapas Kay bharam na tootne payein
Kabhi kabhi doston ko azma kar kuch nahi milta

Amal ki sookhti rag main zara as khoon shamil kar
Mere humdam faqat batein bana kar kuch nahi milta

Mujhey aksar sitaron sey yeh awaz aati hay
Kisi Kay hijar main neendein ganwa kar kuch nahi milta

Jiggar ho jayega chalni yeh ankhein khoon say royengi
Ae dil Befaiz logon sey nibah kar kuch nahi milta

*******

Joke Box (Santa and Banta)


Santa and Banta

Santa raping a gal in car. A cop came & asked: What r u doing?

Santa: I'm raping her.

Cop: Ok, I'm next.

Santa: Fine, but I have never raped a cop before.

**********

Teacher gave a sentence to Santa for translation: Khushi ke maare uski chhati phool gayi.

Santa: Due to happiness his chest turned into breasts.

**********

Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'

He wrote: I was made by a mistake.

**********

A sweet girl goes to Banta's bra-panty shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.

Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.

**********

Why did English teacher slap Santa?

Because Santa asked her: why Bra is singular and Panty plural when it should be the other way around?

**********

Santa and Banta were caught raping a girl.

They were called for identification parade.

When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: Yahi thee...., Yahi thee........

**********

Poetry Area (Usne Kaha)

Usne kaha Mujh se kitna Pyaar hai



Usne kaha Mujh se kitna Pyaar hai
Maine kaha Sitaron ka koi Shumaar hai
Usne kaha kon Tumhein hai boht Aziz
Mai NE kaha Dil pe Jise Ikhtiyar hai

Usne kaha konsa Tohfa hai pasand?
Mai NE kaha Wo Shaama Jo AB tak Udhaar hai
Usane kaha sath kahan tak Nibhao GE?
Mai NE kaha jitni ye Saanson ki Taar hai
Usne kaha Mujh ko Yaqeen aaye kis tarah?
Mai NE kaha Mera Naam hi Aitbaar hai
************ *

Poetry Area (Falak Ke)

Falak Ke Teer Ka Kya

Falak Ke Teer Ka Kya Nishana Tha
Idhar Mera Ghar, Udhar Uska Aaashiyana Tha
Puhunch Rahi Thi Kinare Pe Kashti-E-Umeed
Usi Waqt Is Tufaan Ko Bhi Yahaan Aana Tha
***********

Poetry (Maana teri nazar me...)

Maana teri nazar me...

Maana teri nazar me tera pyaar hum nahi,
Kese kahe ki tere talabdaar hum nahi,

Khud ko jala ke khak kar daala,mita diya,
Lo AB tumhari raah mein diwar hum nahi.

Ji ko sawara humne tamannao ke khun se,
Gulshan mein uss bahar ke haqdar hum nahi,

Dhoka diya hai khud ko mahobbat ke naam se
Kese kahe ki gunehgar hum nahi.

*******

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Cellphone Transforms Into Deadly Robot


This cellular conceptual one created for the Parkoz the Hardware if transforms into a robot equipped with two machine guns, in the best Transfomers style.

Clearly that it never will be produced, but exactly thus is impressive. Besides being an excellent idea, the execution of the project also is spotless. It confers after jump a video of cellular of the Parkoz capsizing a murderous robot and using its weapons against a poor table.


Style (*@* Tea Time *@*)






Style ("Crazy Knives") 18*












































Style (Kitchen Accessories) 17*

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